Lee County Commission Reminds Citizens to "Please, Shut the Hell Up"

Nestled inside the agenda packet for the Lee County Commission meeting scheduled on Monday, November 13th of 2023 is a "Reminder of Rules of Procedure" from good ol' Chairman English. Before we get too ahead of ourselves, let's remember to enjoy the simple things in life, like this super cool pic of our favorite Lee County Commissioner Gary Long with his dearly departed pal, Mayor Bubba.

Now, let's get back to county business.

Gee whiz, thanks Mr. Bill! What would us grown folks do without a paternalistic, authoritarian father figure such as yourself telling us how to speak, what to think and the ways that we are allowed to act. It's not like we are adult taxpayers funding your lavish lifestyle, right?

Thanks to Chairman English, we know how to talk, but what are we allowed to talk about and what are some things that are just not polite topics for discussion? Well, for starters, that pesky ol' granite quarry outside of Opelika. Do you remember when Bill was the self described hero protecting us from those ornery quarry developers along with the help of the Lee County Commission and the Planning Committee?

Wow, Bill, you were so strong and brave back then. There sure were some good folks backing you up too.

Bill, you must have done a real good job because things were so quiet for over a year after that. But then, you just gave up without telling us!

Well shucks, Bill, why would you go and do a thing like that? Did those big mule downtowners over at the Association of County Commissions of Alabama tell you to give up or was it that tiresome county attorney Stan Martin getting all litigious on you? Centralized authority thinking is the calling card for that non-governmental entity known as the ACCA who use taxpayer funds to push their marxist big government agenda. This was around the same time you granted that business license for the quarry site to be developed, I wonder what came next...

Well Bill, you threw in the towel and now the Alabama Department of Environmental Management is not taking any action either? So who exactly is calling the shots now?

Nobody ever talks about anything at these Lee County Commission meetings any more, you have to find out from facebook like in this ARBA post from November 9th. Go figure, maybe I should email Myles, he has been the Arcosa Sales Executive at the Opelika quarry for a year now so he must know something!

Bill, you are fixin' to retire soon so I can't say I blame you for coasting on out this last year. But what about commissioner Gary Long, isn't he up for reelection? I would really like to stand before the commission at a meeting and give Gary a piece of my mind, but now I remember there are some things that he really does not like such as listening to his constituents, the First Amendment, the Second Amendment, free speech and the right to bear arms just to name a few. I can't help but wonder, what does Gary like? This here website governmentcontractswon.com seems to at least have a piece of the puzzle...

Shazam! Gary sure does like taxpayer money, and lots of it! According to an October 2020 interview with the "Citizen of East Alabama" website, Gary also likes the Gas Tax.

After reading that, I realize that commercial overdevelopment is another thing that Gary really likes. Why have nice, quiet small towns in the country like Smiths Station when you can make tons of money off of construction projects and infrastructure expansion that nobody wants so that every inch of Lee County can be just as overcrowded as Auburn and Opelika? I can almost see Gary's vision for the future of Smiths Station packed out with Starbucks, Target and condominiums as far as the eye can see!

Gary also really likes bragging on his work with the Smiths Station Fire Protection District and that good ol' boy, his hometown buddy Mayor Bubba. In a January 2018 interview with the Opelika Observer, Gary and Bubba were just like the Duke Boys of Hazzard county!

It's a shame that things didn't work out for Gary's other good buddy, Chief Walden, and that ambulance service money seemed to just disappear. Hopefully, State Fire Marshal Pilgreen can help Gary and the good ol' boys at the SSFPD figure out where it went and get those ambulances running again. With so-called leaders like English and Long, the idea of big government takes over Lee County. It is easy enough to track, just look at all of the bad decisions the LCC has made on garbage service, the granite quarry and mismanagement of the SSPFD to name a few.

Two of the seats on the commission have changed several times in the past few years, leaving English and Long as the enduring factors pushing the growth of local government bigger. With Long facing two strong competitors in his upcoming reelection, the County Administrator throwing her predecessor under the bus at a commission meeting only in turn to be called a liar by the county's director of emergency management, residents are beginning to wonder aloud just what exactly is going on with the LCC?

For now, I will make sure not to bring up that topic at a county commission meeting. And if I do for some reason, it's a good thing that Mr. Bill taught me how to speak properly to important folks such as himself and Gary.